Photo from https://highlandbaptist.org/
Back when I was in Middle School, I was a very bad kid. Maybe like most kids you might think? Well, most kids don't do drugs before they're 12 years old. Most kids don't get kicked out of school for getting in too much trouble either. I wasn't most kids.
I grew up “Roman Catholic” (in parenthesis since I had no desire for the faith or things of God) and always believed there was a God, but certainly didn’t live it out—or care to, since I loved my sin and didn’t realize it just yet. But, I wasn't a murderer or any of the other obviously evil things out there, so I was safe... in my own eyes at least.
My dad was different; he was a Christian and always told me about Christ. ”Jesus died for you,” ”you need to repent and believe in Him…” etc.
I mentioned getting kicked out of school. That is really where the story begins. After countless detentions, In-School Suspensions, and Out-of-School Suspensions, the School Board finally decided to kick me out and have me continue the remainder of the school year in AEP (Alternative Education Program). AEP was essentially a tiny building next to the school where all the other kids that got kicked out went to finish up the rest of the school year. This was around Springtime of 2006.
One day, I remember finishing up my schoolwork early and having nothing to do. I looked around the room and noticed one thing in common about each person there. They were bad. Some were very bad. I remember dwelling in these thoughts before having a moment of introspection: ”Am I bad too?”
<aside> 💡 It was at this moment that I had deep conviction about myself and where I was heading.
</aside>
Sometime later—I'm not sure if it was the same day, days later, weeks later… I don't know—I went home and started playing a video game on my PlayStation 2. Out of seemingly nowhere, I got up, turned off my PlayStation 2, picked up the Bible off my shelf that my Dad bought me years ago, blew the dust off like some cliché movie scene, and started reading from Genesis 1:1. I got around halfway through the page before I had another moment of introspection: ”What am I doing?!”
However, the difference this time didn't bring conviction like before, but an immense joy and reverberating chills throughout my whole body.
I called my dad right away and told him what happened. He prayed with me on the phone and from that day forward, I believed. I truly believed. I believed Jesus died, was buried, and rose again, and I believed He was my Lord. It was a different type of belief; it was not mere head knowledge, or mental assent anymore, but it was literally life-changing and altered my thinking and lifestyle from that day forward. I was reborn.
Immediately after I repented and truly believed, I remember having no desire for drugs, alcohol, or living the godless and sinful life I was so accustomed to. I quit swearing, smoking; I quit watching porn. I had a massive change all around.
I was telling others about Christ, I was being led by the Spirit, I was praying and studying His Word in a much more meaningful way, and my decisions were placing God above all else. I sure wasn't perfect, and I still am not, but the desire to serve Him was there—and still is. I wanted to do good, I wanted to help others, and I felt like my heart was different. I cared about obeying God, keeping His commandments, and wanting to lead others to Christ; to lead others in this new life that I had tasted that is freely given as a gift to be received for all who call upon Him.